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THE OPPENHEIMER REPORT (February 14, 2022)

THE OPPENHEIMER REPORT (February 14, 2022)

Posted: 2022-02-14 15:16:17 By: thebay

Happy Valentine’s Day to one and all! Any day that celebrates love is a good day in my mind, but I feel the same way about Valentine’s Day as I do about all the other holidays which celebrate something, for one day. Love, thankfulness, joy, and generosity are things to be acknowledged throughout the year. As far as I am concerned, Valentine’s Day and New Year’s Eve are the two most overrated excuses for a dinner out in the history of celebration.

About ten years ago, I’m not exactly sure how long it’s been, because I’m losing track of time, I wrote a Valentine song for Shauna Leigh. At that time, it did not occur to me that it would be the gift that keeps on giving, but I’ve gotten a lot of mileage out of that song. Last Thursday night, I opened my LYRICAL WORKERS radio show with it. While it is an entirely personal song, I think it has some universal appeal as well. It certainly expresses my love for my partner more effectively than any other creative gesture could. As Valentine’s Day gifts go, it was a much bigger hit than the heart-shaped handcuffs I purchased for her from Marty’s Adult World, or the Dollar Store cinnamon hearts (that I always claim I’m buying for Shauna, but which I really buy for myself), or any of the other creative (cheap/awful) Valentine’s Day gifts I’ve given or made for her over the years to proclaim my everlasting love for her. Every Valentine’s Day, in her presence, I perform the song live, and then, at least in my own mind, I’m good to go for another year. It’s a tradition I intend to practice for decades to come.

I’m not exactly sure when the tradition began, perhaps at the very beginning of our relationship back in 1992. For example, in 1993, I presented her with a hose clamp instead of an engagement ring while proposing marriage to her in an original song. The proposal was a spontaneous decision, so I had to improvise while I was on a roll. Eventually, I gave her the real engagement ring. Since then, I’ve been notorious for giving her unusual gifts. When we still lived in Toronto, there were so many opportunities to buy bad gifts that I couldn’t resist. Walking down Yonge Street one day, I came across a souvenir shop with the best collection of garish, horrible shot glasses I’ve ever seen. I bought the one I deemed to be the most inappropriate for Shauna (pictured above) and gave it to her for Canada Day. Not only did it symbolize my ex-patriot status as an American living in Canada, but it also featured 2 strategically-placed red maple leaves. That gift, and many others, have represented my vastly under-appreciated custom to buy or make something for Shauna that is completely inappropriate for any forced Hallmark holiday. As sort of my I-show-my-love-for-you-everyday-so-screw-you-Valentine’s-Day-I’ll-show-YOU-what-I think-of-your-over-commercialized-crapfest-desecration-of-the-sanctity-of-love, I present bizarre gifts whenever the calendar dictates. What made my purchase of the most vulgar shot glass I’ve ever seen even more absurd is the fact that neither of us drinks liquor. Instead, I now use it to take my morning, greet-the-day shot of organic apple cider vinegar.

This year, my 2 Valentine’s Day gestures were to present Shauna with a snow heart in front of our house on the lake, and I gave her a sheet of paper towel, adorned with a heart that I blotted with a red Bingo dabber. Tonight is, after all, Hunters Bay Radio's Super Jackpot Bingo night. inside the heart reads the message, “Yer Mine”. No flies on me. Who says I’m not a hopeless romantic? Hopeless is the operative word. Anyhow, I wish you all a Happy Valentine’s Day. It seems like a particularly good time to spread the love and keep on spreading it throughout the rest of the year. I shall leave you with the following quote: “Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”

Written by Jamie Oppenheimer ©2022 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED